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User blog:THEJJRAT/More vtale
In 2011, an ancient being from another realm appeared in a local McDonald's. He then brutally enslaved the staff, and forced them to mine salt under the McDonald's. "I am salt" It said. But then the Arkham Knight went in and punched the deity, putting a slave collar on it. He then used the McDonald's for an evil society, the deity being used as a power source for a nuclear reactor that creates pizza rolls. Poop castle eat snacks me In a run down McDonald's in the middle of nowhere, an evil society lurks. A man in green wielding a question marked-shaped staff was dancing to Sweet Home Alabama, while a floating brown bubble was playing poker with a dead fish. They were the Secret Society of Mustard Sauce, founded by the Arkham Knight. They were dedicated to creating honey mustard, enough to eat a million chicken nuggets. The current members were: *The Riddler *The Dirty Bubble *Shrek *Jimbles Notronbo *Luke Skywalker *A clone of Obama who likes Big Macs *Firefly *The Killer Moth *Henry, a GCPD officer that never got his kid the remote control Atomic Atomizer *Big Smoke *Scourge of the Underworld Suddenly, the Batmobile drove into the parking lot. After a long night of beating up thugs and polishing his Riddler trophy collection, Batman was hungry for some French fries and chicken crunch wraps. "IT'S THE BAT" Shrek screamed, ducking under a counter in fear. Everyone screamed, as they thought nobody would find them. "I am doing the fear of the man dressed as bat" Jimbles said, floating in a T-pose. Batman walked through the doors, with a look of hunger on his face. His muscles craved nutrients, and he also craved Catwoman sometimes. He then threw a batarang at the wall. "AHH FNCNDNSNDN" everybody screamed in unison. "I want to order" Batman said, walking up to the counter. It was manned by Big Smoke, in his green shirt and little hat. His usual attire. "What'll be foo'?" Smoke asked. "I'll have six chicken crunch wraps, eighteen Big Macs with extra special sauce, two large Cokes, a mighty kid's meal with extra nuggets, a 40 piece chicken McNugget, four quarter pounders, nine Egg White Delight McMuffins, a barrel full of french fries, six McCafè chocolate shakes, a McCafè latte, seven POWERADE Mountain Berry Blasts, eighty Sweet BBQ Bacon with Artisan Grilled Chicken, a Soder Cola, nine Filet-O-Fishes, seven McDoubles, a vanilla cone, a McFlurry with oreo cookies, nineteen Bacon Ranch Salad & Buttermilk Crispy Chicken salads, a Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad, a jar of those awesome pickles you guys make, a Sprite, and nine hamburgers. Also, I'd like some extra honey mustard, mayo, ketchup, mustard, and szechuan sauce packets." the Dark Knight replied, licking his lips and rubbing his grey clad tummy in thought of the meal. Big Smoke's gasped at the order, but he guessed crime fighting worked up an appetite. He ordered Ferdinand, a kythotaur and their best chef, to create the order. Batman saluted Smoke and walked over to his batmobile and got in, waiting for his meal while cuddling with his current girlfriend, Poison Ivy. "Wait, so he's just ordering food?" Luke asked, turning off his green lightsaber. "Yeh. Bat's gotta eat too." Firefly said, eating a can of moths. moths "Silly Billy, tricks are for kids." Papa said, taking the box of Peter Parker pretzels from Billy. Billy then screamed and ran away. He found himself in a big place with people in clown masks. "PAPA" Billy screamed, seeing Papa making out with Sydney. "bILLY" Papa screamed, Billy running away in tears. He hid under a bridge, sobbing his eyes out. His father just cheated on his mother with a mass murdering bank robber. Suddenly, a bird flew over to him. "Hello, I'm Bird Guy. I must teach you the ways of bird." Billy sniffed, noticing the bird. He pet it's beak a little. "Now is not the time for petting brother. That comes later." the bird explains. "We must stop Papa and the dreaded Payday gang from robbing the State Capital Bank of Gold." Billy smiled They went through endless training, on how to be a bird man. He learned to puke up food for his children, to hunt rats and grow potatoes, and even grow wings. By the end of the two minute training, he was eating ants out of an anthill. He stuck his tongue inside, only for the ants to crawl around and bite the spaghetti out of it. He screamed in agony, unable to pull himself from the hill. Thousands of bullet ants flooded down his throat and constantly bit his insides for two hours, before he was relieved of the pain with the sweet release of death. However, he came back from the dead and puked up all the ants and threw a pipe bomb down the hill, brutally murdering the entire colony. He then put on his big boy pants and they rolled out When they got to the bank, Shrek was making a deposit in onion fumes along with the next update. However, he didn't have enough onion fume cards to withstand the newest game. He cried, running away and becoming a depressed teenager. They entered the bank. "Okay Billy, we're having a steakout." the bird said, perched on Billy's shoulder. "We're gonna eat steak?!" "No Billy." "aw :-(" He then walked up to the mini-Burger King inside. "Welcome to Papa Cheeto's Burger King. May I take your order?" the cashier, Postal Dude, asked. "I'll have a double chicken fish sandwich with extra cheese, two large Mountain Dews, a deep fried dinosaur egg with extra dip, a lettuce squirrel sandwich, two number nines, a number 27 large, a ham sandwich with extra peanut butter, a T-Rex steak with extra steak sauce, a daedric heart sandwich, macaroni surprise, a bag of coffee, a Whopper, two cans of soda mix dumped on a pizza, eight slabs of butter, two mushroom pizzas with extra sausage, Chef Boyardee jumbo spaghetti and meatballs, a jalapeno cheddar sausage, a Kid's Cuisine, three sweetrolls, a Nuka Cola, a can of petrol, a Mr. Abby Supreme Monday Night Super Sandwich, a can of dip, I'd say five crates worth of dinosaur nuggets with real white meat dinosaur, crunchy tender bird legs, the super chicken Tuesday supreme, the Lightsaber Crystal takeout supreme, two bottles of Chinese food, a human flesh burger with extra pickles (hold the lettuce), two bottles of mayo, an extra bottle of dip, two entire chickens, a live squirrel, deep fried frog legs, a derpalope sandwich, a sandwich that consists of 800 mushrooms and two pieces of bread, five medium rare tacos, a bottle of blood, two number nines, a chicken crunch wrap, the extra meal of six Tuesday, an apple, six Zaxby's salads with two extra bars of butter, an entire six inch bar of shredded gold, five pizzas that consist of vegetable oil poured on pizza dough, cookie dough ice-cream, a deep fried human brain, six bars of Turkey legs, and a barrel of vodka." Billy said, reading off the menu. "Alright sir, that'll be five dollars." kkk The Doctor was currently singing Sweet Home Alabama with Big Smoke and Rick Sanchez in the TARDIS, on top of the table they were feasting on. With a guitar. With giant speakers behind him. They had just defeated an army of Reapers turned Cybermen (or Cyberreapers) that were attacking in Earth while being mind controlled by The Master and kidnapping Donald Trump at the same time. With nothing but a paintball and two yellow painted rocks. "OOOOHHHH" Big Smoke screamed, as the Doctor just stepped in his number nine large with extra dip. He bit into his leg, the Doctor screaming in pain. Interestingly, he was singing the Soviet Union anthem in scream form. He jabbed Big Smoke with his guitar, killing him instantly. Rick was dead at this point from alcohol poisoning. The Doctor pulled off his sonic sunglasses, realizing what he has done. The entire room was dotted with corpses. "AH" he screamed, jumping off the table. He pulled out his superphone and dialed for Papa Acachalla. "WUT DO U WANT WOMAN" he screamed. "I need the Cube of Living!" The Doctor replies. "NO" Papa replied. The Doctor screamed, his voice cracking, thus sounding like Rick Astley in puberty. He extended his tongue and let it crawl through the phone speakers, kicking Papa where the sun don't shine after turning his tongue into the shape of a boot. "AHHHHHHHHHHHH" Papa screamed, his entire backside exploding. The Doctor sucked his tongue back in, but the boot shape made it get stuck. He pulled with great force, the tongue boot eventually slicing through. He screamed in pure agony, his tongue ripped to shreds. However, he rejoiced when he realized Papa kept the cube in his... Well, y'know. After washing his tongue with magic soap for two seconds, he activates the cube. Everybody came back to life. "OOHHHHHH" Big Smoke said, hiring the Doctor's leg. However, his leg wasn't up for the job and fled to Mexico. Big Smoke left the TARDIS, in search of his leg. In the meantime, the Doctor used a plastic replacement. "Wellll, that was weird, wasn't it, Kroton?" the Doctor asked, walking down the steps and pressing some buttons on the console. Kroton, an old friend, was chatting with the Doctor's dalek companion. "Heh, robots..." he chuckled, pulling out his phone and tweeting the newest hotdog recipe he found. He then broke into tears, falling on the ground and sobbing. He had remembered the death of Handles. "WHY, WHY COULDN'T I FIX YOU?!" he wailed, sobbing at incredibly hgih speeds. "WHY IS THE DOC-TOR EMOTIONALLY UNSTTAAABLE!?" the Dalek asked, sliding towards the man that strangely resembled Peter Capaldi. "Must've eaten a bad taco." Kroton replied. The Doctor screeched, jumping at Kroton and kicking him in the legs. This caused him to explode, his armor (now filled with Kroton soup) falling to the ground. This made the Doctor come back to his senses, using sorcery to revive Kroton. He apologizes and heads back to the console, blowing his nose with psychic paper. "What in the hell..." he said, upon noticing that the TARDIS was already parked. On a different planet. Suddenly, Papa Acachalla appeared so this can be a Venturian fanfiction. "Robloxia... 2067 after something or other... Rick did this, didn't he?" the Doctor asked himself. Suddenly, Shrek appeared and kidnapped Rick. He then vanished. "Why does this always happen?" the Doctor asks, having a seizure. "Doctah, why are wuh hurr??????" Papa Acachalla asked, extremely confused. He had taped his backside back together. "We need to save the universe or something." the Doctor mumbled, heading to the door. "I wunna watch da game!" Papa refuted. "'The Game' is an excuse to buy strange amounts of beer and hotdogs." the Doctor replied, opening the door and leaving. "MMdmdnsjsjfjejjaJJSJJFJWJSNDBD" Papa screamed, it was his mating call. Two other Papa Acachallas appeared. Papa then murdered them and turned them into pizzas. However, they soon turned into cosmic deities that made whale sounds. The Cosmic Pizzas wailed at Papa with whale sounds, shooting lasers at him before flying away. Dock Town, 2067 Jimmy Twotang was a scavenger from Nevada. He always liked bacon, especially baked bacon. Or fried. Or liquidified, whichever comes first. He left Nevada in search of treasure, tech, and most importantly, bacon. Today, Jimmy was in Dock Town, a place. "OMG FRP!?!?!!!!!!!" a random person screamed before exploding. Jimmy shrugged it off and headed to the shop. "Can I have bacon?" he asks the cashier. "How much you want?" he replies. "all of it" "that's gonna cost u 20409439923993 pwd" he replies. Jimmy screams and murders the cashier. However, he comes back to life and makes Jimmy cease to exist. However, as Jimmy once saved the world in the future, a paradox occured. The cashier ceased to exist as well. The universe was now decaying. Meanwhile... The Doctor and Papa step out of the TARDIS, finding themselves next to a big ol' bus. "What in the..." The Doctor asks, stepping towards the bus. It was full of rust, missing two tires, and had broken glass. But that wasn't the interesting part. The interest part was that it was...blocky. He looked around, and saw a vast desert. The ground was smooth, yet much of the physical objects were block like. He had never seen this before. "EDI, what planet is this?" he uttered. After no response, he realized he wasn't Commander Shepard. "Pap'ma CHALLLAAAA" Acacachalla says, turning into a Hot Wheels toy. "What in the McDonald's chocolate flurry sandwich?!" The Doctor asked himself, backing away and pulling out a Little Friend 7.62 and opening fire at the toy car. "Jodada!" he cried, unloading the bullets of fear into the tiny toy car with force. This meant lady hotdog gender supreme in gingerian. The Doctor was a bit rusty in that language, having last visited Gingeria two hundred years ago. "stop" Papa begged, his windshield full of bullet holes. "Dear god, you can talk?!" the Doctor asked in amazement, ashamed of what he had just done. He dropped the gun and fell to his knees, begging Chuck Norris for forgiveness. "I don't think God matters in this world, friend." "whO WAS THAT" Papa screamed. The Doctor turned around, seeing a... Thing. It was blocky, but had a round head. It was decked in rusty armor, with what appeared to be their version of a gas mask. It was also holding something that worryingly resembled a shotgun. "What... are you?" the Doctor muttered, he had never seen this creature before. He was beginning to think he was in an entirely different universe from his own. ".....What?" the thing replied. "What..... what is your species?" he asked, getting up from his knees and staring at the presumed man. "...a human?" "No, no... Unless I took too much macaroni last night and my memory's all whacked, you are NOT what a human looks like." the Doctor replied, starting to wonder if he should've listened to all those anti-macaroni commercials when he was young. "Are you on chems or something?" the creature asked. "Well, are you? Unless my kind lives here, you aren't very weirded out about the fact that a man with fingers and a detailed body is right infront of you." "You look just like me..." This is when the Doctor looked at his hands. And saw two big ol' blocks. "Holy sesame seeds.." things that I'm too lazy to put somewhere else that's going to be in the story later ________ "Dream crabs..." Suddenly, Harambe appears. He beats his fists on his chest, roaring. He then grabs a robloxian in SEAL armor and rips him in half. "Calm, boy, calm!" The Doctor shouts, jumping in front of Harambe and waving his arms. This calmed the ancient deity. It then walked over to a group of CDF soldiers and did the unthinkable. He produced a beacon of energy, that was powerful enough to power the entire wasteland. "void" one of them replied. "Void that" they said again. "Wot?" the Doctor asks. "void = didn't happen" the soldier replied. The beacon then disappeared.. "That's it?! You can just void something and it's gone? It never happens? Nobody should have that power! What if you void somebody out of existance? What if you void the entire galaxy, the planet? What if you just poofed out somebody saving the universe?!" the Doctor questions. He then points his sonic at Harambe, making the event un-voided. "frp" a robloxian replies. ":kick: BasilDisco69" an admin replies. The Doctor growls and commands Harambe to brutally murder them. After this, he nuked the planet. However, this nuke caused the entire planet to not be able to void anything. However, Chad himself appeared. "time to reap" he says, pulling out a nuclear warhead. The Doctor scanned his sonic booster ray device of doom. This caused the nuke to explode, but also in a bubble. It was also slowmo, causing Chad to have an agonizing death. kkkk "Sir, the colony is showing signs of... Advanced intelligence." a scientist in a white hazmat suit said to Donald Trump, who over saw the experiment they were working on. "What in Mexico's hive minded taco meats does that mean?!" the President asked, his arms exploding. They were soon replaced with plastic ones via a robot arm. "It... It means that they are evolving. They have figured out how to write, how to read, how to talk, they've even opened a school for their larvae. They can cook, now." Donald Trump listened, raising an eyebrow. He rubbed his wig in thought. "What kinda food are we talkin' about here?..." Donald asked, turning his head to the scientist and making extreme eye contact, his left eyebrow doing it's thing. "Um... Honey. Similar to bees, they create a unique wax-like substance in suitable areas, such as rock cavities, building honey-comb like spheres. However, unlike bees, they can only create honey with manmade substances such as..." the scientist paused. He stared at the research papers in terror and awe, he knew this would only lead to the death, destruction, and slavery of an entire species. "Such as?" Donald brought the subject back up. "Erm... Uh... Umm....Because of the recent McDonald's sponsored school trip that went horribly, horribly wrong... Fast food." Donald's pupils became as big as his under regions, he knew where this was going. He was ready. The scientist was horrified at this point, ashamed that he is about to sell out an entire species.. "According to.. short lived test subjects, it tastes like Filet-O-Fish." he yelped, wiping the glimmering sweat off his forehead with his sleeve. Donald thought for a bit, looking out of a window and seeing the insect-like beings teaching their young to make honey. The Team The TARDIS "You have: One new message." a screen on the console spoke, showing a 3D envelope turning back and fourth in an endless loop. The Doctor was currently playing his guitar, oblivious to the feminine robotic voice. "Wait, what?" he said outloud, dropping his devices of music. He ran over to the console, tripping but using the console itself as a life guard. "The hell is this? Clara, did you install an email onto the friggin' TARDIS?" the Doctor asked. "I didn't.... Okay, I did, but it doesn't look anything like this." Clara said. The Doctor rolled his eyes and flicked on the envelope. An mp4 file opened, showing three decaying spheres of flesh floating over the planet. "No..." he said, staring at the screen in awe. "No, no, no, no! When did this happen? This wasn't supposed to happen today!" the Doctor yelled, slapping himself. "lol jk" the video said, closing itself and revealing a man with a wig. "What? Is that Donald (REDACTED)ing Trump?" the Doctor asked. "What the hell? What did you-" "We tricked you into thinking a Brethren Moon was attacking Earth, that's what." "Why?" "Because we need you, Doctor. For something big." "DOC-TOR, WHY HAVE WE HALTED?" a dalek, rolling over to the Doctor, asked. "Yeah, and you become Alton Brown and this fat guy one day." Moonbase Alpha Crash Landing The C.M.B Titanic, 2021, the Milky Way Drifting through space, the small Combine vessel launched probes at uninhabited planets, draining resources for use in Combine architecture and the like. The crew was made up of three hundred willing volunteers (such as metrocops and civilians), a security crew of transhuman Overwatch soldiers, and a mysterious team of synths and advisors that oversaw the project. Billy Acachalla, a metrocop from City 30, was assigned to the ship as a guard. His family was treated well by the Combine, getting weekly rations (some of his friends sneaking in food that was outlawed by the suppression field) and respect from metropolice. This was because he arrested anti-citizen Sally Acachalla, who was planning to destroy the City 30 citadel. After getting crucial Resistance plans out of Sally, he and a group of Cremators and Elites brought the rebels of Little Butts to their knees. Billy was stationed at the bridge, where fifty people pilot the beast of a ship. To the left, there was a giant hole in the ground where enslaved vortigaunts shoveled chunks of uranium into, Elite guards constantly shooting dark energy balls with their AR2s down the hole. This was to power the Core in the lower regions of the ship, which ate up energy like Garfield at a lasagna factory. One of the pilots pulled a lever and typed in a password on a hologram, making a sharp beep noise. "Probing Uranus." the AI of the ship said, sending a Combine probe to the planet. Billy was drinking a can of Private Reserve with R344, an elite soldier that was apart of Dr. Richard Keller's experiment in City 30, a project that created Overwatch soldiers with their memories and personality retained. The goal was to see how they would react to Combine ideology and killing fellow humans. It was quite short lived, but Richard made sure the subjects didn't "expire". "I hate this stoopid water, I would kill for an ice cold can of Duff about now.." R344 complained, drinking the liquid with an emergency induction port. kek Papa Acachalla entered the room. He had two giant chunks of aetherium tied onto his back, ready to trade with locals. Jimmy Casket was sitting in the middle of the room, staring at the fire place. "Did you bring the stuff?" Jimmy asked, taking a sip of red wine and swaying the liquid inside the glass around like a James Bond movie. "You better believe it." he said, cutting the rope off his back. The two giant blocks fell to the ground, making Jimmy's glass shake. Jimmy grinned, before snapping his fingers. Three slendermen appeared in a cloud of black smoke, shooting their tentacles at Papa and sending him flying to the wall. "ZOO WEE MAMA!" he screams and breaks his gentle back. Jimmy chuckled, getting up from his chair and inspecting the two blue chunks of chunky goodness. "I trusted you!" Papa grunted, coughing up blood on the floor. Jimmy grinned and spoke in Daedric, his minions carrying the chunks to his underground lab. "Nothing personal... Just buisness." he frowned, pulling out a silenced shotgun from his pocket. Suddenly, the ceiling exploded and UNIT swarmed the building. "Oh sh-" Jimmy's head was vaporized by an officer in power armor, who wielded a laser rifle. Papa was taken off the scene by medics, while they placed C4 on the door to the basement and blew it off. They entered, finding enslaved slendermen and gingerians putting the blue cubes inside of a strange oven. "Halt right the-" Suddenly, they shut said oven door and it glowed blue. The portal frame they strangely didn't notice sparked up, growing a red screen of portalness. "What the hell is that?" an officer asked, keeping his sights on the portal. "Looks like a Level 15 portal device. We need to shut this do-" "Zoo wee mama!" "What was that?" Thousands of tentacles left the portal, grabbing soldiers and tering them in half. Power armored soldiers opened fire with their miniguns, but were sliced in half by sharp french fry-tentacles. The officers inside threw plasma grenades inside, while attempting to escape. A round brain-like being hovered out of the portal, massacring the unit soldiers while they helplessly fought back "We got an Eldritch on our hands! Call the foundation!" General Smootybobkens screamed, running up the stairs while engineers attempted to weld the vault door shut. Suddenly, everyone in the building exploded, painting the mansion red (and green). The eldritch being laughed, consuming the corpses of fallen UNIT soldiers. The surviving slendermen, gingerians, and officers fell to their knees, begging for mercy. The being nodded, accepting them their continued lively hood and claiming them as slaves. His other minions entered through the portal, saddened to see that their Master got all the action. "Sire, should we bring the new recruits back to Mothership?" a wasp-like soldier asked, speaking through morse code. "Yes. Thank you for asking, soldier." the being said, then floating up the stairs and seeing the carnage he caused with his brain powers. "Pity, our benefactor is dead." the being sighed, seeing Jimmy's headless corpse. outside "Papa, what where you doing in that building?" "I whus eating lamb chops?! I dindu noffin!" Papa said. "Alright. According to Jimmy's Internet history, he was trying to summon the ancient outer god Boo Zee Swama. There's only one person who can help us with this." "who" "Indiana Jones, that's who." Category:Blog posts